By Nabiha Ahad

Sometimes patriarchy is not loud. It sits quietly at the family dinner table, waiting for a daughter to speak. An educated and confident daughter, who courageously breaks the barriers of the old customs and gives herself a chance to strive for her dreams, faces hostility for offering a mere suggestion about a household matter. This suggestion becomes the trigger. The actual problem is a suggestion from an independent daughter. Unfortunately, she is labelled as too demanding . In fact, she does not take her degrees as mere pieces of paper but always tries to help elevate the outlook of her family. But what happens next completely shakes her nerves. Her confidence is portrayed as disobedience. This underscores the lives of thousands of oppressed women who fight against the rigid hierarchical norms .They face taunts and physical violence from their controlling households and are branded as irreligious.

This is where the nexus of patriarchy and misinterpretations of Islam becomes evident. For sure, Islam ordains respect for parents [If one or both of them reach old age with you, do not even say ‘uff’ to them, nor rebuke them, but speak to them with noble words.” — Surah Al-Isra (17:23) ] but such teachings should not lead to compromise on the children’s dignity too, especially daughters. Islam’s teachings of compassion and justice should not be overlooked as it forbids oppression of any kind. Constant humiliation and emotional manipulation are the bruises which don’t find place in statistics of domestic violence. Sadly, educated children, especially daughters, are the first targets. They refuse the normalization of violence their mothers faced. Education gives them awareness which develops confidence. They have opinions challenging the entrenched hierarchical norms. This harsh reality underscores that the family wants them to become educated but does not want them to question or become opinionated. It’s not the freedom which discomforts patriarchy , but the confident aura that is seen as a threat to outdated customs. Here the religious narratives are selectively invoked and patriarchy then terms them irreligious.

Unfortunately, the young ones themselves become voiceless in the end. Their silence is mistaken as a tool for so-called peace though the situation never changes. It just needs a trigger to shatter the false peace. It needs a clear distinction between a disagreement and disrespect to steer the system in the right direction. The aura is not aggression, which discomforts patriarchy, but it is the confidence with which the women speak up and share their opinions. So, this agency should not be mistaken as defiance but it should be acknowledged for a better future otherwise, such ignorance of emotional abuse will let the families keep on raising the ones who prioritize survival over safety. A stark reminder!

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