In western society, the joint family system has ended since long but the trend has also changed in eastern also. In eastern societies, once relatives used to live together but now real brothers prefer to have their separate home and set up.
In this connection, the developed areas of Pakistan have also come at par with western societies.
However, the joint family system still exists in less developed and far flung areas of the country.
Joint family system is beneficial in some ways but on other hand creates many issues between the families living together.
In Punjab, the tradition of joint family has faded almost expect in few countryside and backward areas. The system is still common in upper areas of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa and in Azad Jammu and Kashmir (AJK).
While living in joint family, many aspects needed to be cared and negligence in them increases the problems. Here are some points to be followed for a having successful joint family system.
One should distribute the food equally. Especially while putting food and spices on the plates of children, there should be no discrimination based on whether their father is rich or poor. The same principle must be adopted while distributing fruits or anything that comes into the house. The children remember all this for the rest of their lives.
Same food should be prepared for everyone in the house. But if someone’s child is not eating the said food and his/her mother makes him/her something separately with her own money, e-g egg bread, noodles, sandwiches, etc. Or if the child is sick or weak and makes him meat, etc., then the relatives and in-laws should not expect that the same will be done for their children. Do you know someone who is struggling to afford their child’s food or does not have the budget or time to feed everyone the same, so let others give quality food to their children. Keep your tongues and legs together (by not interfering in someone else’s business)
Avoid criticizing others, give lesson of patience and tolerance to your children
Meanwhile, if someone present in the shared kitchen of the house and spreads the aroma throughout the house and makes something special for their children (with their own money), then morality demands that they must also give a little to the children of others who are struggling so that they do not miss the taste of something and do not burden their parents’ lives.
Expenditures of the food should be divided in accordance with number of the family members. It is not appropriate to charge the same amount from a family of six members and a new couple consisting of two people, but if someone is giving it of their own free will, this point can be ignored. However, the electricity bills should be divided equally if both families have the same number of rooms and no additional cooler or AC is running on either side.
In collective matters in the house, the decision of one of the heads should be accepted. However, everyone has the right to give suggestion. That head can be any of the in-laws or in-laws. In their absence, it is better to avoid making the brother-in-law the head. Such as setting the household budget, adopting saving methods, doing business with anyone or getting the house built and renovated.
However, in individual matters, everyone should have the right to decide according to their own likes and dislikes, which everyone should accept happily without any hesitation. Remember, deciding on the education and relationships of one’s children is an individual decision, there is no room for any brother-in-law or brother-in-law to interfere in it, only to the extent of creating convenience.
On the other hand, everyone should have the right to visit their in-laws. First of all, there should be enough space in the budget so that if someone comes from someone’s family, they should be given the best hospitality and good food should be prepared. But if this is not possible, then the daughter-in-law should be given full permission to order or prepare whatever the guests want at her own expense. Then she should not be expected to cook chargha roast for the entire family. Yes, the mother-in-law should sit with the father-in-law if necessary. Those who ignore the elders of the house during such meals, how can they manage to get food down their throats?
Money should be taken from all the sons of the house for household expenses, but it should be up to the sons to give pocket money to the daughters-in-law of the house or to buy clothes and shoes or spend it on their children. Controlling the personal expenses of the mother-in-law or taking care of clothes and shoes of the daughters-in-law creates a suffocation. The mother-in-law’s lentil vegetables is acceptable, but wearing a suit of the mother-in-law’s choice is not acceptable to every daughter-in-law.
Household chores should be divided equally. In case of illness or compulsion, one should feel for the other, but this matter should be mutual. It is not like one daughter-in-law completes the other’s duty and the other leaves when the first one gets sick. In such a case, the mother-in-law should advise her to take care of the next child. It is wrong for one of them to be left behind. Justice should always be done between the daughters-in-law, so that the joint family system can work.
